If you love someone struggling with substance use disorder (SUD), life can feel like a constant storm. The worry, the fear, the sleepless nights—it's exhausting. Some days, it feels like you're barely holding on. And in the middle of all that, someone might suggest, "Try practicing gratitude." (eye roll)
It might seem impossible. Gratitude? For what? For the pain? For the chaos? How can you be thankful when every day feels like a battle?
But here's the truth: gratitude and hardship can coexist. And learning to hold space for both might be one of the most powerful tools you have in this journey.
Gratitude Doesn't Mean Ignoring the Pain
Practicing gratitude isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s not about ignoring the real struggles you face. Instead, it’s about shifting your focus—just slightly—from what’s broken to what remains intact. It’s about finding small moments of connection and hope, even in the midst of uncertainty.
There was a time when my own life was consumed by the chaos of addiction in my family. I spent years walking on eggshells, bracing for the next crisis. I searched for answers, for the "right" thing to do, for some way to fix what felt so broken. And yet, in the darkest moments, there were slivers of light. A simple conversation. A shared laugh. A moment of honesty that reminded me my loved one was still in there, somewhere. Those moments didn’t erase the pain, but they grounded me. They reminded me that connection was still possible. That a path forward still existed.
Why Gratitude Matters in This Journey
Research shows that gratitude can lower stress, improve mental well-being, and help strengthen relationships. But more importantly, gratitude shifts the way we experience our own lives. It doesn't change the circumstances, but it changes how we engage with them.
Without gratitude, the pain of addiction can feel all-consuming. Every setback, every relapse, every argument can reinforce the feeling that nothing will ever get better. But when we allow ourselves to also see the small wins—when we acknowledge the good that still exists—it gives us something to hold onto. It reminds us that loss and heartbreak isn't our entire story.
How to Practice Gratitude (Even When It Feels Impossible)
Gratitude doesn’t have to be big or forced. It’s not about finding some grand silver lining in your situation—because, let’s be honest, sometimes life hands you a mess that no amount of "silver lining-ing" can pretty up. Instead, it’s about noticing the small, quiet moments that bring even a fraction of peace.
Start small. Each day, try to find one thing—even if it’s tiny—that you’re grateful for. Maybe it’s a cup of coffee in silence. Maybe it’s a text from a friend. Maybe it’s the fact that, today, your loved one made it home safely.
Reframe the struggles. No, you don’t have to be grateful for the pain itself. But maybe you can be grateful for the ways it’s shaping you or the perspective it’s giving you. Maybe you’re learning to set stronger boundaries. Maybe you’re learning how deeply you are capable of loving.
Keep a journal. Writing down a few moments of gratitude each day can help shift your perspective over time. When everything feels hopeless, looking back on past moments of gratitude can remind you that good things have existed—and can exist again.
Allow gratitude to coexist with pain. You don’t have to be okay to be grateful. You don’t have to pretend that everything is fine. Gratitude isn’t toxic positivity—it’s simply making space for both the hard and the good.
You Are Not Alone
If you're reading this, it's because you care. You want to help. You want to love your person in the best way possible. And you also want to find your own peace in the process. I see you. I’ve been where you are.
If you’re feeling lost in this journey, I want you to know that support is available. You don’t have to do this alone. If you’re curious about how I can help—whether through coaching, support groups, or simply a conversation—I invite you to reach out. Your healing matters, too.
Gratitude may not be the solution to everything, but it can be a step toward possibility. And believing in possibility is what keeps us moving forward.
Let's take that step together.
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