
February can be tough. The excitement of New Year’s resolutions is gone, and if things haven’t gone the way you hoped, it’s easy to feel like a failure. I’ve been there myself, many times. The promises I made to take charge, to fix things, or to help my son through his recovery often felt like they slipped away faster than I could keep up.
When you’re supporting someone struggling with Substance Use Disorder, those feelings can feel even heavier. You start the year hoping for a big breakthrough—their moment of clarity, a clean slate, the start of something new—but when it doesn’t happen, disappointment creeps in. I get it. I’ve lived it.
In the early years of my son’s recovery, I spent so much time waiting for the big moments. I thought I needed some undeniable sign that he was getting better. Maybe it would be the day he reached out for professional help or the moment he told me he’d decided to turn his life around. But those moments didn’t come—not the way I imagined. And for a long time, that left me feeling hopeless, like we weren’t making progress.
It wasn’t until I started noticing the smaller things that I began to see the truth. Recovery isn’t one big leap forward. It’s a collection of tiny steps, most of which don’t even feel like progress in the moment. I remember the first time my son called me just to talk—not to ask for help or tell me about a crisis, but to share an idea he was excited about. It wasn’t monumental, but it was different. It was something. And those little somethings began to add up.
At the same time, I started to notice my own wins. Like the day I decided to put my phone on silent at night instead of keeping it by my bed, waiting for the call I dreaded. Or the moment I set a boundary that I’d been avoiding for years. These weren’t life-changing gestures, but they were steps in the right direction. What I realized is that small wins are the foundation of big change. They’re the building blocks that keep us going when the big picture feels overwhelming. They remind us that even in the messiest, most uncertain times, progress is happening—slowly, quietly, but surely.
It’s not always easy to see these wins, especially when you’re focused on what hasn’t happened yet. But shifting your perspective makes all the difference. Instead of looking for the finish line, try to notice the mile markers along the way. Maybe your loved one is showing up to meetings or sharing more about how they’re feeling. Maybe you’ve started prioritizing your own self-care or letting go of the things you can’t control. These moments matter. They deserve to be acknowledged. That doesn’t mean ignoring the hard stuff. Let’s be clear—celebrating small wins isn’t about pretending everything is fine or sugarcoating the struggle. It’s not about toxic positivity or forcing yourself to see the bright side when you’re feeling defeated. It’s about recognizing the full picture: the challenges, the setbacks, and the moments of progress in between.
I’ve learned that even the smallest victories can help shift the way we move through this journey. They remind us to hold on to hope, to stay open to possibility, and to keep showing up. Because recovery—whether it’s for our loved ones or ourselves—isn’t about reaching some perfect end. It’s about finding resilience in the day-to-day, celebrating the little things, and believing that every step forward counts.
So this February, when it feels like nothing’s changed or the weight of unmet expectations is too much, I encourage you to pause. Take a breath. And ask yourself: what small wins have you seen today? Maybe it’s a phone call, a boundary set, just making it through a hard day or showing up to your support group when you wanted to hide. Whatever it is, let it remind you that progress is happening. You’re moving forward, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Trust me—it all adds up.
With hope and encouragement,
Lisa
A fellow traveler in Parallel Recovery™
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